confessions
Lately I have been overwhelmingly consumed with sadness. I feel so guilty because I have this beautiful, perfect, happy, healthy little boy in my arms and yet I am filled with pain and tears. I'm not...
View Articletoo close
I feel that I kind of live on eggshells. Since Q died I always have an underlying fear of the worst. I tend to over analyze situations thinking of what could happen, especially when it comes to my...
View Articlemonth 1
Ryder-You have made it through one month. I must apologize, your first month has not been as exciting as Quincy's was. We have kind of been home bodies, you and I. It's amazing how quickly we forget...
View Articlewho am i
6 months. 6 months ago today my world was shattered as we let our beautiful baby girl leave this earth. This day was followed by the most terrifying day I could ever imagine. When I think back to the...
View Articlehomesick
Lately I have been feeling extremely homesick. I am homesick for my house. I miss my kitchen. I miss my tub. I miss the smell of my home. I miss my bedroom. I miss Quincy's room. I miss Quincy. I'm...
View Article11.11.12
Sunday the 11th was Ryder's blessing day. While such a special day for Ryder we couldn't help but think about Quincy's blessing day. Both Brady and I were pretty emotional. It was a tender day.Brady...
View Articlewhy
I know when bad things happen we are told not to focus on the whys and what ifs. Lately i am consumed with these two words.What if we never went to Moab? What if I had Q in a different car seat? What...
View ArticleMonth 2
Ryder-I am slow to get this letter written and you are now closer to 3 months than 2. I must say month 2 has been better than month 1. You continue to be fussy and gassy but not quite as much. I took...
View ArticleTis the season...
...to be jolly. Jolley: an adjective that means happy and cheerful. Synonyms: jovial, merry, cheerful, joyful. I want to be jolly.Christmas is coming fast and although I usually look forward to the...
View Articlemine
These are not your typical family pictures, but they are mine and they are pricless. There is nothing more important to me than these 3 people.
View Articlemonth 3
Ryder-You have turned into a new boy this month. You are so much happier now and I feel like we can finally enjoy you. I will be honest, the first two months you drained me and I didn't always love...
View Article12.25
I did it. I made it through Christmas. Everyone is asking me how my holiday was and I respond, It was good. But was it really good? My daughter died and I miss her. I cried. A lot. There is nothing...
View Articledesperate
I miss you so much Quincy. I think about you every day, but today it hurts especially bad. All I can think about today is how badly I want to pick you up from daycare and talk about chicken nuggets and...
View Articlereflections
It's been eight months. Eight long months since we lost Quincy. Eight months of a new life. Eight months of sorrow. Eight months of change. Eight months of growth.As I reflect on the past eight months,...
View Articlemonth 4
Ryder-There are so many ways that I prayed for you to be just like your sister, but ear infections isn't one of them. Just like Q, you ended your first cold with an ear infection. You have had a double...
View Articlethe blue jeep
Brady always wanted a jeep. He talked about it for years and years and in March of 2011 he finally got his "blue Jeep". For a year Brady and Jake rebuilt the blue jeep to get it "Moab ready". Don't...
View Articlemonth 5
Ryder-Month five has been my favorite so far. Your ear infections and RSV have healed and you have become quite the guy. You are such a different baby when you are not sick. You are much more pleasant...
View Articledirty white sock
I can't believe we are coming up on one year since we lost Quincy, Val and Kathy. It is so unreal that we have lived this long without them. When I think back to the last year of my life, I feel like...
View Articlelifelong broken heart
We don't want to say goodbye we don't want to feel that emptyBut it's time to face the dawn head onWhen there's something in the wind when the days go getting shorterAnd the nights run cold and clear...
View Articlemonth 6
Ryder-You are following right in Quincy's footsteps with your ear infections. This month you had another one. I knew right away when you were up all night and took you to the doctore before it got too...
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